epigram 2: on black granite in the kitchen


White, pink, beige or silver; just one to exclude:

Never choose black where you plan to fix food.

Black granite is a tough material.  In memorials or, maybe, CFO offices, yes.  Kitchens?  No.  White marble, yes (especially if you are fussy about pastry); pink formica, yes (if you can live up to it); other spotty granite, yes (if you are rollin in da scrilla); the beige family of Formica or Corian, oh I guess it’s practical (if you’re the rest of us); black granite: no, no, no.  It’s hard to keep clean and is not pretty or handsome at all, just kind of oppressive and creepy if you have to live with it, especially in the kitchen, where it will become an instant disaster if you so much as set a coffee spoon on it.  Really, really forget it if you have kids, unless you plan to keep them out of the kitchen until they leave for college.

Under only three conditions may you consider installing black granite in your kitchen: (1) you are bothered by having a mirror-less room that will not allow you to admire your reflection, (2) you have a house elf or other servant who will spend an hour after every use of the sink and/or range to clean up, or (3) you are a Grand Moff.

he prefers take-out, anyway

3 thoughts on “epigram 2: on black granite in the kitchen

  1. Same goes for black cars… But my favorite is soap stone. Preferably recycled from another kitchen so it looks like a real cook works and plays on the counters!

    There is nothing worse than a kitchen that has every gadget and it looks like it has never been used or you are afraid to make a mess in it.

  2. couldn’t disagree more. black is timeless and elegant. and black granite in particular is practically indestructible. oh well, to each his own, i guess!

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