every episode of Downton Abbey we’ve ever seen

Maggie Smith as the Rt Hon Violet, Countess of Grantham

FADE IN:

EXT. DOWNTON ABBEY ESTATE, DAY

DISSOLVE TO:

INT.  DOWNTON ABBEY: amazing room, luscious furnishings, two beautiful people in gorgeous clothes.

ROBERT, EARL OF GRANTHAM:

Oh dear, my dear, our heir presumptive has died. Because of the entail on the estate we will lose all of our money.

CORA:

Oh dear, my dear, however shall we match our beautiful and elegant but very mean daughter in marriage?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. DOWNTON ABBEY, SAME DAY

A different interior, another amazing room, even more luscious furnishings, two additional beautiful people in similarly gorgeous clothes.

SOME RICH PERSON:

          I do say!  The Earl of Grantham believes that the family will lose their house because of the death of the heir presumptive. Tut tut and pip pip!

SOME OTHER RICH PERSON:

Stiff upper lip my good man!  Surely they also worry that they will be unable to match their  beautiful and elegant but very mean daughter in marriage?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. DOWNTON ABBEY, downstairs with the servants, sparse furnishings, dozens of people who are either plain but artfully so, or plain but you can tell they would clean up good, in servant uniforms that are still better tailored than what you’re wearing.

BUTLER:

Oi!  Everything’s gone pear-shaped!  Now that the heir presumptive has kicked off, the family’s on their way to Carey Street!

MAID:

Hard cheese that, and not cricket either now that they will have a trouble to match the beautiful and elegant but very mean young miss in marriage.  But it’s plain as a pikestaff they’ll muster through this sticky wicket.

DISSOLVE. . .

REPEAT FOR EIGHTY-TWO MINUTES

FINALLY:

Enter Maggie Smith, who drops the best line of the episode, and kills it with a single lift of an eyebrow.

FADE OUT.

THE END

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