Skip navigation

Category Archives: dogs

RIP Matthew Crawley (2013)

RIP Matthew Crawley (2010-2013)

By now you know (and so we feel no threat of being the spoil-sport), Matthew has died.  We didn’t know the actor was leaving the show (we don’t follow that kind of behind-the-scenes stuff, except we would probably hear about it if Isis got ringworm or something), so his death came as a surprise–at least as much of a surprise as an ending so clearly predicted within the episode can be.  And that, actually, has us more disappointed than the sudden dimming of his pretty blue eyes.  Mostly, it is the fact that Downton has the appearance of a great show, a fresh spin on old Upstairs Downstairs.  Indeed it is a lush thing–all due praise to the gorgeous stuff in it and the super cast–and the script has its moments. But overall Julian Fellowes just keeps dropping the ball (or would “buggers up the wicket” be more apropos?).

The opening moments of the very first Downton Abbey completely captivated us with the promise of a rich portrayal of a fascinating period in which people embraced change or fought it kicking and screaming.  The skillful camera work  panning along the telegraph wires carelessly strung through a quaint Yorkshire town instantly set up a riveting premise, pitching innovation against tradition.  And indeed much of the show is built on watching an old world–when it can no longer staunchly resist it–be swept away or modified by the new one, either through the horror of war or the glitz of jazz.  At least, that’s where the show hits its high points.  It falls to its lows when it forgets what it’s about, or takes an easy out.

mr carson

we know you didn’t really mean it, Mr. Carson

Two cases in point: a pair of narratives from season three flirted with tackling issues that were crazy-edgy a hundred years ago–and remain unresolved.  They concern two characters who do not fit the rigid expectations of Downton’s musty high society: the gay butler Thomas and unmarried Edith.  The scene in which Carson–the very vessel of civility–addresses Thomas in grotesquely uncivilized terms was shocking; it was also honest.  But rather than address the terms under which a gay man would be kept in the service of an ultra-conservative household (or, more likely, thrown out) was totally side-stepped by the increasingly awful Lord Grantham’s ability to turn a blind eye to Thomas’ sexuality in his selfish interest of winning a cricket match.  And then Edith, who just cannot get a guy, has the opportunity to invent herself as a professional writer.  Yet rather than dig into the difficulties that women had (and have) establishing their credibility in competitive fields, or engaging in the literary possibilities sparked by the friction between her story (the to-the-manor-bred lady entering the gritty world of work) and the parallel-but-in-reverse experience of Tom Branson (gritty bloke rising into society through marriage), Edith’s job became just a backdrop for another sure-to-be-doomed romance.  The show’s treatment of these characters might have been something new and different, more deeply real in a historical sense, and richly rewarding as a mirror to contemporary times.  Instead, Fellowes resorted to time-worn tropes.

He resorted to this same formulaic dullness approach when cast issues required that he get rid of Matthew, or rather, get rid of the actor that plays Matthew.  ”Sudden Fatal Accident” must rank second only to “It Was Amnesia” on the list of overused and stupid ways to resolve a plot problem.  Matthew’s accident was made all the worse for being so predictable: there was just too much happy flowing around; something had to happen to bring balance back to the Yin and Yang rules of TV writing; also, at least a few characters delivered some wooden lines that made it clear: Matthew will be alone in a car.  What could possibly happen next?

Well we’ll tell you what could have happened, to make the episode (and season) end no less cheaply.  Matthew could have been the victim of:

1. a freak fly-fishing accident at Duneagle

2. tea time (death by clotted cream–surely it wouldn’t have been the first instance)

3. getting caught up in an under-the-bridge fist fight without Thomas to rescue him

4. the box of fireworks that he is revealed to have actually swallowed

5. drowning in his and Mary’s teen dream love poetry

6. trampling under Molesley’s drunken reel

7. cousin Rose (you know she’s toxic)

8. doesn’t really matter what, but you can always blame Daisy for it

9. peasant uprising in response to “modernization efforts”

10. lethal dose of the Dowager Countess’ stink eye

Nicholas Hoult

How about this guy? He already knows how to do his hair.

Here’s another idea: get another Matthew!  Going out on a limb here, but we bet you can’t swing a biscuit tin very far in London’s West End without hitting a handsome actor ready to step into Dan Stevens’ coattails.  seriously, Lord Fellowes: we embraced a second Dumbledore, we could have gotten used to a new Matthew, too.

Sadly, ’tis water under the bridge, and now we have just to wait for Season Four, which will be, no doubt, The Season Of Massive But Elegant Regrets, since everyone is going to have a reason to blame themselves for Matthew’s death.  Perturbed as we are, we’ll tune in, expecting too much clunky storytelling, but delighting in those parts of the show that glow: confabs between Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore, the Dowager throwing shade left and right, Carson doing anything (but more with the baby, please!).  And maybe, just maybe, the show will find its center–or, at least, the delicious center we think is lurking there–and the writing will live up to the costume design and scene setting.  Then it might get back on track with the train that chugged along in the first episode.  Otherwise, Fellowes’ scripts might instead become far too analogous to another mechanical wonder from that first episode, and sink the whole ship.

Isis

And while we’re at it: would someone please deliver what the world so desperately needs: a Rosencrantz & Guildenstern treatment of the show–Downton Abbey: The Isis Experience

 

party like the Queen, yo

this one made us delirious

2012 is shaping up to be one of the merriest of years in merrie olde England.  For the engineers in MoT‘s Celebratoria, which is housed in the Department of Festive Studies and Fun-Time Rituals, that means overtime.  Significant projects have bene undertaken (supported by funds from a MacArthur Fellowship . . . that we’re still waiting for) to celebrate, albeit long-distance, all manner of Britophilia.  In addition to a whole new year of hat-wearing by the Kate The Nearly Impeccable (any new hat day is reason enough for the full MoT staff to drop everything and pop open the clotted cream with a shout of huzzah!), a few specific big events are posted on the calendar: the Royal First Anniversary (29 April), C. F. A. Voysey’s 155th Birthday (28 May), the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee (2-5 June) and the Olympics open in London (27 July).  If for some reason you have not received your invitation or secured your tickets for these big events, never fear.  MoT can help you turn your living room into a wee colony of Little Britain in three easy steps and at varying levels of economic investment (to which we are sensitive; times are tough!) and relative interest in the Royal Family (for which we have no sympathy; get with the program, mate!).

the MoT staff's Royal Anniversary Tea

the MoT staff’s Royal Anniversary Tea

Step 1: Prepare your feast.  British food gets a bad rap but, while it’s not cuisine française, you can navigate your way away from murky fields of kidney pie and eel grossness to the juicy and carboriffic heights of a roasted meat and baked pudding wonderland.  High end:  Eat the kind of thing the Queen and her Jubilee guests will enjoy: roast lamb, Beef Wellington.  A bit less so:  Toad in the Hole with long-simmered onion gravy.  That’s still too much work:  Lay out a proper afternoon tea with scones, clotted cream, jam, sandwiches, cakes (and if you go to the Italian Bakery down the street because your staff pastry chefs threw the whole pan of cakes–pan included–into the rubbish bin in frustration, we won’t tell).  Don’t know a Chelsea Bun from an Eccles Cake:  Cut the crusts off your kids’ PB&J, butter up some English muffins, and call it good.

one lump or two?

Step 2: Plan your attire.  High end: Bring out the gloves, gems and regalia, if you have them.  I’ve Got a Hot Glue Gun and I’m Not Afraid to Use It: Spend $10 at Hobby Lobby and become your neighborhood Philip Treacy.  Make fascinators for yourself, your friends, your children, your dog.  You must be kidding: Please, at least wear something that needs ironing.  Iron it.  Not allowed: Scorn your droll guests who wear their Sex Pistols t-shirts from college; it’s neither ironic nor clever.

Step 3: After taking gratuitous picture of Dog In Fascinator and dealing with the resultant canine thrashing, blot spilled tea with paper towel, spritz with a solution of water and vinegar.  If carpet stain persists, gently rub with dish detergent or salt, alternate with more cold-water dabbing.  Tune in BBC, turn up volume loud enough to drown out complaints of husband.  Proceed with festivities.

There you have it: the MoT Geek Guide to Britophilia in three easy steps.  Cheerio!

cats may also celebrate, even if they defy any monarchy they don’t control

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 273 other followers