authoritative guide to careers in art and architecture education

if the glasses fit . . .

Schools of art and architecture are fascinating places, run by faculty and staff that ostensibly have so much in common, and who work for what are arguably common goals—and yet they display such distinct behavior, often apparently at odds with one another, although these tend to be kept relatively below the surface (or at least not at full boil) in the cause of collegiate collegiality.  But activities that are latent in the diverse petri dish of the average Art and Architecture School become more pronounced when members of each discipline travel to meet with their own kind.  With academic conference season upon us, MoT’s Department of Professional Anthropology has fanned out across the country to observe the annual rituals of professional groups dedicated to the teaching in art and architecture programs.

In their natural habitats, species display certain attributes of herd mentality; when observed and quantified, these behaviors may be helpful for your consideration.  This is a public service to our readership, not only to define such behaviors to increase awareness of the special qualities of these special creatures, but also as a service to those who may currently (or who aspire to) hold a position in one of these institutions.  The following will help you know if you made the right choice, and if not, if you need to modify your behavior–or your job.  Alternately, it may assist those contemplating a future in such a career, or aid therapy sessions for families that find themselves with a professor in their midst.

Although the following mechanism is presented in quiz format, it is not a quiz (neither is it “pirate guidelines”); it is a definitive tool, and you should plan your life according to its results.

ALL ABOUT YOU:

How do you describe you tribe’s demographics?

A.  dudes who think we’re progressive for hiring, like, 25-33% girls (but seriously, we’re mostly dudes)

B.  gender is such a fluid concept!

C.  we’re mostly sensitive (some might say “delicate”) men and mannish women

D.  we plan to file a grievance for having been asked that question

E.  suits!

F.  why aren’t there more ladies around here?

What is your beverage of choice?

A.  green tea

B.  three shots of espresso, or shiraz in a juice glass

C.  latte

D.  macchiato—but they never make it right

E.  Scotch

F.  Folger’s or can of beer

What is your favorite scent?

A.  fear

B.  varnish

C.  old book

D.  skepticism

E.  hierarchy

F.  pine

What is your neckwear?

A.  demure scarf

B.  crazy scarf

C.  bowtie

D.  severe jewelry

E.  tie

F.  beard

What brings you to tears?

A.  light

B.  color

C.  seeing it in person

D.  you assume I weep just because I am a woman?  I’m calling the AAUW

E.  missed opportunity

F.  fire

ABOUT YOUR WORK:

What is the last thing you read?

A.  I didn’t really “read” so much as “look at the pictures”

B.  gallery wall text

C.  another call for papers/proposals/grants

D.  a critical essay published in an obscure journal

E.  results of my latest assessment project

F.  directions

What was the last thing you wrote?

A.  blog entry on a house designed by a classmate for his mom

B.  it more of a word-picture than, you know, “words”

C.  a 2,000-page manuscript that seven academic presses have turned down

D.  a scathing review of my office partner’s most recent publication

E.  it included words like “vision,” “analysis,” “projection,” and “ideate”

F.  it was in marker and taped to the wall

You believe education is:

A.  communicated by osmosis.

B.  a matter of inspiration and innate gifting.

C.  image-driven.

D.  image-driven and usually subject to outmoded expectations of gender politics and West-centric assumptions—except in my classes.

E.  a marketable product.

F.  best on an apprenticeship model.

You think distance learning

A. would destroy the sanctity of my sacred teaching space and the rituals I perform with my acolytes.

B.  is OK, if they already figured out how to do it in New York or Los Angeles.

C.  would push me over the edge.  I already adapted to PowerPoint, what more do you want from me???

D.  probably doesn’t work, but if it means I can do everything on-line and move from this crummy Midwestern campus town to Paris, sign me up.

E.  is a cash cow.  And by that I mean, it appears to be an opportunity for pedagogical innovation and delivery of measurable achievement goals that will have a beneficial result for student learning and university programming within the parameters of the university’s mission statement.

F.  is sort of limited by the length of my extension cord.

FINALLY, ABOUT YOUR CONFERENCE EXPERIENCE:

You packed

A.  every black knit pullover I own, and one charcoal sweater to add a punch of color.  And at the last minute.

B.  ironically.

C.  50 term papers that need to be graded before midterms are due.

D.  fabulous shoes—lots of them.

E.  actually, my wife does that for me.

F.  flannel (without irony).

What does your conference emphasize?

A.  method

B.  criticism

C.  content

D.  theory

E.  vision

F.  making

Your workshops focus on:

A.  computational strategies

B.  haptic experience

C.  varied interpretations of the built environment

D.  theory in past practice

E.  pie charts and tie tacks

F.  “work” and “shop”

Between conference sessions, you can be found

A.  at Starbucks, tapping my iPhone.

B.  behind the conference hotel, instagramming the garbage bins.

C.  down the block, taking photographs.

D.  outside, smoking and frowning.

E.  everywhere, networking.

F.  with everyone else, talking shop.

When a presenter makes a bold claim that challenges your field’s canon, your response is to:

A.  shrug it off; what’s a ‘canon,’ anyway?

B.  hug him

C.  roll my eyes and audibly sigh, then rip his argument to shreds–with friends at the hotel bar later

D. stand and applaud (if the claim supports my politics) or start a Twitter campaign to have his tenure revoked (if the claim challenges my politics)

E.  wonder if this will become a “best practice” by next year, in which case, I’d better call a meeting to revise the strategic plan

F.  warn him to be careful; he could lose a finger

My conference is held in:

A.  New York or Berlin

B.  New York or Los Angeles

C.  Charleston or Philadelphia

D.  New York or some place that is regrettably not New York

E.  Pebble Beach or Vail

F.  Franklin, IN or Bumble, ME

What happens during your absence from campus?

A.  ten students gain four additional hours on Facebook

B.  fifteen students make an impromptu field trip to Starbuck’s

C.  fifty students spend an extra hour in studio (checking Facebook)

D.  one hundred students sleep in

E.  no one notices

F.  everyone freaks out until I return

You know the routine.  Which ever letter you marked most frequently will reveal your proper place in the wild and wooly wacky world of Art and Architecture School.

A.  You are (or should be) an architectural design studio professor

B.  You are (or should be) an art studio professor

C.  You are (or should be) an architectural historian

D.  You are (or should be) an art historian

E.  You are (or should be) a university administrator

F.  You are (or should be) a woodshop supervisor

Do be a dear and let us know how much we’ve helped.

tastometer 2011

Alfred C. Barnes, when he was alive, and still able to forcibly beat the crap out of anyone who suggested dismantling his collection

Although taste can neither be judged on a perfect continuum (since so often events and objects evince both good and bad taste) nor be comfortable within delimiting factors of a ten-part end-of-year list, the turning of the calendar does seem an appropriate time to take pause, consider the year that has passed, and acknowledge special achievements in Taste: the good, the bad, and otherwise.  MoT‘s Department of Tastemetrics offers the following study of events of 2011, ranging from the Worst of Bad Taste to Tasty of the Tasty, recognizing that bad taste is sometimes enjoyable and good taste can be downright boring.

Rather than apply a simple numeric system to this slippery study, the Department instead adopts a system of word-pictures.  These Taste Indicator Determinant arBited Illustration Types (TIDBITs) have been assigned somewhat like the party election symbols used in India–not that those were judgmental, as MoT‘s are, but they are illustrative little morsels none the less.  Join us as we start at the scuzzy, slimy bottom:

Bunga-bunga? Buh-bye!

The resignation of Silvio Berlusconi as Prime Minister of Italy finally took place on 16 November.  There’s nothing redeeming about this story; he was a schmucky guy who took advantage of everything and everyone.  Yuck.  TIDBIT: Flaming Bag of Poo

The celebration of “Architect Barbie” by people who should know better: it was bad enough that this crummy parody of a female professional was unleashed, it’s worse that there has been so much praise and excitement about it from professionals and academics.  Ugh, we’ve been through this enough and have submitted the Barbie Department here at MoT HQ to redundancy downsizing, so just read their now-historic report here.  TIDBIT: Cat Barf

A nut that was cracked wide open in an interview on ABC in February, Charlie Sheen’s simultaneous meltdown and reinvention was sad, overplayed and tedious, but somehow heroic, albeit in a deluded sort of way.  We include it here mostly to emphasize how much we hate Architect Barbie by making her the meat in a crap sandwich with Silvio & Charlie as the bread.  TIDBIT: A Crap Sandwich

one monstrosity OMA hasn't managed to get built yet

There’s plenty of stupid spectacle architecture out there, both built and proposed (here’s an exemplary late entry), but the La Paille Dans L’Åil Du Voisin is the stupidest (watch the video if you have excess IQ points to spare).  TIDBIT: Whatever Tastes Like The Head of Michelangelo’s David With A Big Beam Rammed Through It

On July 3 the Barnes Foundation closed. What a travesty.  Readers unaware of what a slimy business the art world is (especially in Philadelphia, but not uniquely so), need to read up or see this good documentary.  Glimmer of hope: with this theft, more people will be able to see and enjoy the art at the center of the controversy.  But that’s the same kind of thin excuse that protects a lot art in European museums stolen by marauding armies.  This time the crime was perpetrated by very slick culture vultures, but the result is the same.  TIDBIT: Heirloom Tomato, Rotten and Worm-Eaten

Josh: SHOULDDA

A one-time favorite around HQ, Project Runway concluded season 9 by naming Anya the winner. Inconceivable!  Anya, who can make only one dress, for one climate, but sew no sleeves, and never heard the word “zipper.”  This, especially when the duo of Joshua (left) and Viktor were actual contenders, dripping with loads of talent and versatility and skill.  Although the award raises an interesting point–how essential is design education vs. natural talent?–it revealed the producer’s interest, finally, in favor of sizzle over steak.  TIDBIT: Beadazzled Crap Sandwich

Mixed blessings from England: someone newly hired at Mini somehow missed the memo that “mini” means “small,” and urged the developement of maxi-size minis.  The Mini Cooper “Countryman” (what does that even mean?) is weird, and dumb.  Problem: it was first advertised with this commercial, and the catch phrase cram it in the boot, that we really kind of like.  However, when MoT crams it, we cram it in a properly-scaled mini Mini boot, thank you very much.  A proper Mini is more than adequate for our needs, and we have stretched it to accomode, at one point, two of MoT‘s junior staffers toting backpacks, viola and cello, and a pitbull, for good measure, and did so while maintaining the spirit of Mini as encapsulated in the great commercial that celebrates the “Best Test Drive Ever, Period.”  (However, MoT‘s six-word “Best Test Drive Ever, Period.” would be described thusly: MrDarcy, Quadrilatero’d’Oro, Ringstrasse, Scone, Hogwarts, Siouxsie.)  But that’s just not happening in a Countryman.  TIDBIT: Poofy Scone, Oversized For American Market 

We needed a lie-down, too

MoT staffers have anticipated few movies for their artistic promise alone like they have Lars von Trier’s Melancholia.  What a visual treat it was . . . until we had to run out of the theatre due to severe nausea caused by over-indulgence of the shaky-cam.  Why, Lars, why?  We were ready for the cinematic version of German Romantic paintings, and instead were sickened by camerawork that would be too jerky for a Bourne installation.  TIDBIT: Sad Scone.  A Beautiful, Sad, Nearly-Vomiting Scone. 

There’s good taste, and bad taste, and then there’s excellent bad taste.  Hello, Honey Badger, the short film first posted to YouTube in January.  Nasty indeed, but humor that fresh and funny is something to celebrate.  TIDBIT: Steak ‘n Shake Chili Deluxe With Cheese Fries

the Lake Shore Drive "graveyard" in February

That leads to the mid-point of the Tastometer and the potentially taste-neutral matter of time and weather.  The latter was dealt a wallop near MoT HQ in February, when SnOwMaGeddon swept into the Chicago area.  It’s only weather if you notice it, and it’s only tasty if something cool happens because of it: behold Jim Cantore’s response to thundersnow!  (How this has not been autotuned is beyond our understanding.)  Also, all those abandoned cars on Lake Shore Drive became the subject matter of great Snowpocalypse photography.  TIDBIT: Flaming Baked Alaska

Likewise, dates tend to be  untasty.  But no day for years and years will live up to the graphic simplicity and regularity of 11 11 11; likewise, no date will ever emphasize one of cinema’s most tasty scenes, ever.  TIDBIT: Shark Sandwich.*

Launched in April, the architecture blog Philaphilia wins high marks in a similar vein as the Honey Badger, but for buildings (and so it’s better than studies of “nature”).  Philaphilia is remarkably active and consistent, has a very specific point of view, is historically spot-on and full of sage wisdom (a favorite bon mot: “don’t build buildings out of sidewalks.”)  That’s all we can quote here and keep our PG rating.  If you like your architectural criticism sprinkled with F-bombs, hearken ye to Philaphilia.  TIDBIT: Salty Caramel

The Tastometer begins to pick up now, with the very tasty news that the British Library now offers an e-classics app for the iPad, huzzah!  For a monthly fee (say, the cost of an Aztec cocoa, or two whoopie pies, or half a bottle of Essie nailpolish–all tasty things) one may access tens of thousands of books, scanned from the original, on an iPad.  With this service, Hermione’s beaded bag has nothing on your own Birken, virtually full of 30,000 nineteenth-century tomes.  Actual books are still better than their electronic versions, but since MoT‘s collecting habits in nineteenth-centry books are, alas, somewhat limited, we are grateful to the Brits.  Once again.    TIDBIT: Scone with Clotted Cream

MoT hearts books

With its new director, the Art institute of Chicago seems to be going gangbusters with exhibitions, but many of them have fallen flat.  Not so for our favorite of the year, a very small collection of printed materials arranged in the Ryerson and Burnham Libraries in celebration of the citywide “Festival of the Architecture Book,” marking the 500th anniversary of the publication of the first illustrated architecture book.  ”Design Inspiration: Nineteenth- Century American Builders’ Manuals and Pattern Books” was a wonderful show.  More, please!  TIDBIT: Chocolate Chip Cookie

A certain big box retailer scored big with another blockbuster designer collaboration with the storied house of Missoni for Target.  Fashionista Bargainistas saw zigzags . . . then saw red (more about that here), as stores were cleaned out and the Target.com website went kaput.  Several months later, very slow boats from China are still struggling to fill open orders.  TIDBIT: Bruschetta di Milano

Trrrooolllllllll!!!

The big and little screen made us happy, from the visually and intellectually stunning Cave of Forgotten Dreams to the local favorite Munger Road, also big Scandinavian ”tummar-upp”  (well, that’s what Røger Ebertssen would say) for Trollhunter, which managed to blend aspects of The Blair Witch Project, Jaws, and Scandinavian myths together in an effective way that makes us eager for a sequel and a prequel to learn more about the stoic hero for whom the movie was named.  We applaud two humane shows in the midst of dreck on television: Parks and Recreation features characters who are actually genuinely likeable people, and The Walking Dead mixes up the good and the bad, and makes a person wonder every week which one they are.  TIDBIT: Zombie Waffles, with Lingonberries

Colin Firth, action hero

Was 2011 The Year of Firth? An Oscar, London Film Critics Circle, the European Film Award, and that was after raking in a few dozen similar trophies in the last months of 2010, all for The King’s Speech, which was released on dvd in April, and you bought it immediately, didn’t you?  And in June he was presented at the Queen’s Honours with the Commander of the Order of the British Empire (CBE).  (Bryan Ferry was also honored in that program, prompting our consideration that the whole event should have a special award for Tastiness.)  The year closes with the opening of Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, which also holds the promise of the action figures we most look forward to seeing under our Christmas tree.  TIDBIT: Scone With Clotted Cream *And* Jam.

Speaking of men we love, David McCullough published The Greater Journey, a book that celebrates some of America’s greatest architects, artists, writers, and others who aspired to greatness and pursued it in Paris.  Like all of Mr. McCllough’s books, it is an inspirational and wonderful tale.  We have long admired this fabulous historian who writes history that people actually want to read.  The fact that MoT‘s Chief of Literature Consumption met him at a book signing, where he was marvelously sweet, kind, supportive, personable, gave him the edge over Mr. Darcy.  (No, she still hasn’t washed the hand that he so warmly shook.)  TIDBIT: Boeuf Bourguignon

Always.

A dominant force in the Tastiverse this year was the final installment of the Harry Potter movies, the Deathly Hallows, Part II. Fine film it was, but that’s not why it ranks so high on this list: it’s just that the final installment finally gave a platform to Snape’s long suffering.  At last, Alan Rickman was able to let loose and reveal Snape’s heartbreakingly courageous lonesome lovelorn sacrificial self as a main pivot point for the whole story.  (Too bad the filmmakers crapped up the ending so bad, or this entry would have crept closer to the top of the list.)  TIDBIT: Flourless Chocolate Torte & Port

One of the tastiest events to blow into New York–a city that knows from taste–blew away all previous exhibition records at the Met: Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty, dominated the summer.  MoT‘s Department of Exhibition Critique worries that museums are not doing their job if a fashion designer can out-draw painters and sculptors who have made a more proven and lasting contrition to civilization, but even so, admit that it was an extraordinary and amazing show. It is a rare treat when an exhibition encapsulates the spirit of its subject without overwhelming it.  TIDBIT: Any Two Or Three of These Cakes

kiss me, Kate

Nearing the top of the list, it’s hard to deny that Britain had the corner on taste in 2011, for no event was more anticipated and drawn out and over-reported and yet still left us somehow unsatiated than the great fabulous Royal Wedding of April 29, for these four reasons: (1) Kate Middleton, (now Her Royal Highness Princess William Arthur Philip Louis, Duchess of Cambridge, Countess of Strathearn and Baroness Carrickfergus), not only looked great but has acted with admirable demureness through this whole crazy affair; (2) the beautiful sublimity of the gorgeous day was thrown comfortably and realistically off by the crazy hats, especially  Princess Beatrice’s Fascinator (don’t you feel better about what your embarrassing cousin wore to your wedding now?), and the peevishness of Princess Grumpsalot (left);  (3) it inspired one of our favorite websites of the year, Kate Middleton For The Win, and (4) it was a great excuse to get up early, make scones and finally figure out where in town we can source clotted cream.  TIDBIT: Just The Clotted Cream

Finally, what’s tastier than The Taste?  Well it’s the tasty readers of the Taste of course, a readership that has gone berserker in the last weeks of 2011 thanks, as far as MoT‘s  Electronic Media Research Team can tell, from a post from two years ago being circulated like gang busters.  MoT has now been read on at least four continents and translated into Chinese.  For that, 作者 sends a hearty 谢谢 to our new friends at renren.com, and also our friends at Google Translate, who allowed our Department of Poor Language Skills to put the Chinese back into English, to hilarious results.  Plenty of traffic was also prompted by the tweeting of tasty folks at Dwell.com and postings at Archinect.com, but we especially thank Artmagonline.wordpress.com, since they introduced our post on a page with Helena Bonham Carter, so now MoT and HBC are BFFs.  Glad to have you all along for the ride, please introduce yourselves to the faithful who have been around since our launch on Borromini’s birthday in 2009.  TIDBIT: You!  (Or Almond Bark)

Savage Beauty: McQueen, 2005

*that one is for you, MoT CFO